I have 25 students
Kids as nice as you please
But they aren’t setting records
With their math ACT’s

They find algebra hard
But all of them know
That sine thirty degrees
Is point five oh-oh-oh

We can’t call them “at risk”
It’s not politically right
But MY blood pressure’s soaring
Like an eagle in flight

So I went to bed thinking
“How can I get them to see
That the square root of 6
Is not equal to three?”

Sleep finally came
I surely had tried.
My subconscious took over
And I dreamed I had died.

I saw a triangular table
With food, hot and cold
And beyond through a gate
Ran a street paved in gold.

“Help yourself to the food”,
Said the man at the gate.
I’m Bruce, St. Pete’s helper
And he’s running late.”

Bruce passed me the cookies
I took three or four
Then I noticed my chair
Was on a trap door.

“One question I’ll ask,”
He said without mirth
And it’s not watered down,
Like the standards on earth..

To get through the gate
You have to be able
To find the exact length
Of the long side of the table.

I saw that one of the angles
Was ninety degrees
As I loaded my plate
With four kinds of cheese.

Then apple pie, cake
And butter on bread
Who cares about cholesterol
When you’re already dead?

“Long side of the table,
That’s the hypotenuse”
I thought as I cut
A slice of roast goose.

“To find the unknown
I’ll need some more data”,
I said as I buttered
A big baked potato.

Bruce said, “I’ll tell you one side
Just to be fair.
Twenty feet is the length
Of the side opposite your chair.

I said, “I’ll give you the answer,
But Bruce, tell me please,
What’s the angle opposite twenty
In radians or degrees?”

Bruce smiled at me
And said, “I see you know trig”
Then he added, “Do you always
Eat like a pig?”

I expected Bruce to say thirty
Or pi over six
As I quickly stuffed down
Five maple sticks.

The size of the angle
Might surprise you
In degrees it is exactly
Thirty----and two!

“So what’s the sine of the angle?”
Bruce said with a laugh
And all I could answer
Was, “It’s a little more than a half.

I fell through the trap door
To a hot room that was red
And my feast was reduced to
A dry crust of bread.

I looked up where I came from
And saw that the next to arrive
Was another math person
With his new 85.

He told Bruce, “I’m Larry
I don’t see what’s the fuss
I could have solved your problem
With my old 83-plus.

The answer you seek
Is thirty six point two seven
Now open that gate
And I’ll storm into heaven

“Too bad,” said Bruce
“There’ll be no new abode
Because your devise
Was in radian mode.”

Then I woke with a start
In a cold sweat
Happy to know
I haven’t died yet

But Larry is right
I have to admit
Knowing sin 30 degrees
Didn’t help me a bit.

Now all the kids in my class
Who expect to do fine
Must know that sin 32
Is point five two nine nine.

But if you are from Science
And Larry’s your hero
Then sin 32
Is most certainly zero.